I don't actually remember ever loving Christmas. I liked Christmas day as a kid, but even then I didn't love it, nor did I like the time leading up to it. I think a lot of it had to do with my Panic Disorder and general anxiety. Christmas is a crazy overstimulating time for people who get overwhelmed easily. There's always so much going on and so many bright lights and sounds it just made me unbelievably anxious and uncomfortable.
I always HATED going out to look at Christmas lights. I could not (and still can not) understand how it isn't widely considered weird to drive out of your way to neighborhoods that are not yours to drive agonizingly slowly past (or, God forbid, get out of the car and STAND outside) strangers' houses just to look at an overwhelming array of fluorescent lights. I don't think I'll ever understand how that's considered an ok thing to do.
I also hate the commercial side of Christmas and how it's shoved down our throats as consumers starting in motherfucking October but honestly that could become a whole post entirely so I digress.
Now that I'm older and chronically ill on top of mentally ill (which is such a fun combination to live with, might I add), I hate christmas even more, but on the plus side I do have valid excuses to get out of doing some things I don't like to do aka looking at lights. The end of the year is super busy for me and my family. Starting in August we have a birthday and/or holiday every month for the rest of the year. So by December I'm totally burnt out, which is a huge bummer for me because my mom's birthday is Christmas Eve, and then there's Christmas and then New Years Eve, so I celebrate those holidays on very little energy.
Since becoming chronically ill, I've been incredibly sick at the end of the year. The past 3 Halloweens, Thanksgivings, and the past 2 Christmases I have been in major flares. This takes whatever tiny bit of fun Christmas has left in my book. So in a future blog I'll give y'all some tips on how to make the best of holidays when you're chronically ill, but at least now you all know why I'm a self-proclaimed Christmas despiser.